Vicky Facts

Now that Lindsey is gone for good, I'd like to take some time to talk about Vicky, The Mysterious Foreigner. Although I have been working with Vicky for one year, I know absolutely nothing about her. These are the things that I know:

1.) The way Vicky walks can be compared to the walk of a gorilla. Literally. Picture how a gorilla walks: hunched over, arms dragging on the ground, feet shuffling along the floor. Yup, that's Vicky. She doesn't pick up her pace for anyone. I actually have her walk down to a science. Yesterday I was putting out new shoes and heard the steady plodding shuffle shuffle of her feet coming up behind me. I turned around and was surprised to find that it was actually Vicky's sister with her newborn chimp (*cough* I mean baby, haha). Her entire family walks like gorillas to the same distinct beat...is that normal?

2.) Vicky has no life. It's obvious. She has no friends, no boyfriend, and still lives with her parents. However, everyday she comes shuffling into work acting like she was doing tequila shots the night before until 8AM. The first word out of her mouth, no matter what, is always "tired." She doesn't ask how we're doing or who's working, she just complains about how tired she is. Sometimes she even answers questions with the word "tired." Yesterday I asked her, "Did you do the self-audit yet?" She answered, "tired....(ridiculously long pause).....no, not yet." How could she be tired every single day???

3.) She's been living in America for twenty years and still can't speak or understand English.

After one year of working with Vicky, these are the only facts that I know about her. I'll continue adding to the list if I happen to come across anything else.

I love my job.

The first of many...

Today I was lucky enough to meet our first management candidate. I chatted with her as she filled out her application and silently thought that she might be normal. After she left I glanced at her resume and noticed this wonderful statement listed under her current job duties:
"Maintain a great floor presents threw out the day."

The scary thing is that she's 23 years old with a college degree! What is happening to America??

Big Announcement

It was announced today that Lindsey, The Genuine Retard, will be leaving the company next week. Although it pains me to think such a great writing subject will no longer be working with me, I'm anticipating all of the new manager prospects and how much more retarded they might be!

For the record, this will be our fourth manager since February.

I love my job.