Big changes are occurring in my store lately. Lindsey is officially gone and probably wreaking havoc on another unsuspecting retail store. Vicky, the gorilla, has been shipped off to another store location to mope around and spread depression to everyone she comes into contact with. And Lisa (my Quiet Accomplice) and I have been left to fend for ourselves! We have a new store manager, but I haven't gotten to know her yet so I will not be writing about her right now.
Today I would like to remind everyone that Black Friday (or Green Friday, as we call it in retail) is exactly one week from today. What does that mean? It means the freaks and weirdos are preparing to come in full force and I can guarantee lots of customer stories will be coming in the next few weeks.
However, this afternoon I would just like to share a story that happened to me last night while working with Mary Sue. For those of you who have forgotten, Mary Sue is my new employee that asks the most ridiculous questions I have ever heard. She is the perfect stereotype of an idiot and getting dumber everyday. Last night I was doing a self-audit on the store and part of the audit is quizzing the sales associates on certain information. I turned to Mary Sue and asked "Mary Sue, what was our shrink result from last quarter?"
She looked at me like I had just asked her the meaning of life and replied, "I don't know what that is."
So I said, "Ok, how about our inventory goal for this quarter?" Her eyes glazed over with confusion. I then said, "Mary Sue, this information is on a big glittery poster (literally) in the back room that you walk past every single day to go to the bathroom. How could you not know this?? Go look at the poster and then come back out and tell me our result and goal." She moped to the back room and then came shuffling back out ten seconds later. I said, "Ok, so what's our inventory goal?"
Her eyes opened wide with shock and responded, "Oh, I don't know."
I calmly asked, "Didn't you
just go look at the poster???"
She responded with, "Yes, but I don't remember it."
For the record, it took her three trips to the back room to get the information right. Unbelievable.
Retail stores have been struggling lately with soft sales. So, I decided to take it upon myself to start marketing to the White Trash demographic to improve business. A thong sticking out of a mannequin's pants is always a good eye-catching tool.
