The spelling bee champ strikes again...

Ok, here we go again. The Genuine Retard is back to writing emails. This is an email from today written to our district manager. Capitalization, spelling, and punctuation are all exactly how she wrote it.

hey
we recieved a box of (our sister store's) shimpment by mistake amoung our 53 boxs yeasterday, we didn't realize until (sales associate) was processing shimpment and went OOPS we don't sell coats for $129 I tried to call the store and speak with their manager but the phone keeps just ringing, I tried 3 times, not sure it the number changed or what not, any ideal what I should do w the shimpment besides re tape it , do I give it back to the shimpment dudes or just arange for someone to get it from their store? thanks


She might be getting more retarded with each passing day. On the bright side, she learned how to spell "manager"! We're dedicated to making progress everyday...


I love my job.

How impressive

This is a real e-mail written by Lindsey, The Genuine Retard, to our district manager. The misspellings, punctuation, and capitalization errors are all exactly how she wrote it. Please remember that Lindsey frequently spells her own name wrong. Let's see how many mistakes you can find...

hey (District Manager) today tow women came into the store from chase bank saying that they teamed up w (our company) to offer employee's special bennifits with Chase bank, they are comming back on sat to see if anyone wants to take advantidge of them. I haven't herd anything about this and want to know if its legit, because it seems that it wouldn't be feasible for busness. If its is something that (our company) has approved I will allow them to speak to the staff as long as it doesn't get in the way of busness, but if they are BS-ing me and (our company) has not set anything up with Chase Bank I'll politly ask them to leave. Get back to any of the mangers here thanks


I'd like to point out that the word "feasible" is actually spelled correctly. This is because she asked ME to spell it for her.

Scary, right?

My new employee

I have a new employee named Mary Sue and she asks, perhaps, the most ludicrous questions that I have ever heard. Here are some of my favorites:

While reading these you have to imagine Mary Sue's voice as a whispered high pitched whine.

Mary Sue: Where was I supposed to park?
Me: We're technically supposed to park near Sears.
Mary Sue: Am I going to get in trouble if I didn't park there?
Me: No.
Mary Sue: What if security calls the cops on me?


*When asked to shut the gate at closing time*
Mary Sue: How do I do that?
Me: (After showing her) You have to make sure you lock it while we're still in here.
Mary Sue: (With a look of complete terror on her face) If it's locked, how do we get out?


*When training her to sell one-on-one*
Me: You're going to have to raise the volume of your voice or customers will never hear you.
Mary Sue: Really?
Me: I can barely hear you and I'm standing right next to you.
Mary Sue: Well, what if I have a sore throat?
Me: Well, do you have a sore throat?
Mary Sue: No. But what would happen if I did?


I love my job.

Lost in translation

I have a perfect example of a typical "Vicky (The Mysterious Foreigner) conversation" from today. Lately, I have been having this sneezing problem at work due to the extreme amount of dust in the store. After sneezing twice in a row I turned to Vicky and said, "The only place I sneeze is here. I think it's hilarious!" Her response, "Maybe." Maybe what?? Maybe it's hilarious? No, I'm telling you, it's hilarious.