This place is sketchy.

I just finished my third week in a new company and I must say that it is the complete polar opposite of my last company. Not only is it less labor intensive, but they actually trust me as a manager to run my store how I see fit. Trust? What the hell is that? I have my own desk to do my paperwork instead of doing it on the sales floor and they expect me to come up with my own methods of increasing business. And the fact that the employees have all been there for at least a year and do not plan on leaving anytime soon has me a little sketched out, to say the least. You mean you actually like this job? Hmmm, the concept is foreign to me.

Also, my lifelong dream has come true. My old company sent me an exit interview questionnaire for me to fill out. I guess they forgot who they were dealing with because not only did I fill out the questionnaire, but also included a two page letter addressed to the CEO describing why the company sucks. Revenge is sweet.


I love my job.

Life changing news

After four years of slaving away for this company, starting at the bottom and working my way through 3 promotions, 2 different stores, 2 CEO's, 3 regional managers, 4 district managers, 4 store managers, approximately 15 assistant managers, and hundreds of sales associates, I am now officially counting down my last two weeks. I never thought I would be able to say that my last day is next Friday and then I'm moving to a new company in a new city as Store Manager.

Although it breaks my heart to leave my staff behind, I look forward to a brand new atmosphere and culture.

I'm also exiting just in the nick of time, as we are on the brink of getting yet another new DM and Regional Manager. Thank God I don't have to do another bogus "meet and greet" with a new DM because, frankly, I can't bite my tongue anymore. Even though this will be the third DM since July, I'm certain they hired the right person this time because...um...the third times a charm, right?

11 more days! And I will be continuing this blog at my new company because even though it's a new job, it's still retail!


I love my job.

Missing Circus Freak?

A security guard came into the store today to tell me about a missing child in the mall. His exact description was, "A hispanic boy wearing a black hoodie. He's 3 years old and 4 feet tall."

4 feet tall??!! Did the Guinness Book of World Records send out a nationwide search party for this missing marvel? Or have the parents just not looked at their child recently?

Either way, I kind of hoped the kid would wander into my store, just so I could see what a "4 foot tall" 3 year old looked like.


I love my job.

Yummy

Periodically, the company rewards certain stores by having contests in which everyone can win prizes or bonus money.

My store won a contest in January in which the prize was a "pizza party." I called my DM today to find out how I was supposed to get the money for the pizza. She told me that it was the DM's responsibility to pay for the pizza. Hmmm, sounds like gourmet pizza to me.


I love my job.

Today will go down in infamy.

I just wanted to document my phone conversation with my DM today. Right in the middle of her normal gibberish about payroll hours, visuals, and emails, she all of a sudden says, "YOU NEED TO PUSH YOUR SALES." Under normal circumstances in the retail environment this would not seem out of the ordinary. However, I swear to God, that is the first time ever in which I heard the word "sales" come out of her mouth. She has been my DM since September, and I have never once discussed sales with her. You'd think in this economic recession (or whatever we're in) sales would be the only thing we are focusing on to keep the company alive. Not according to my DM though, what the mannequins are wearing and the email that I didn't read is obviously much more important. Obviously.

How many people would be able to keep track of the fact that the DM has never mentioned sales in 5 months? Well, I guess that just shows how many actual conversations I've had with her in 5 months.

I love my job.

Why the company sucks at life.

My entry tonight is very symbolic to me in how far I have come in a year. Exactly a year ago today was my first day in my new store. It really makes me feel accomplished when I think about the visuals, the employees, the back room, and pretty much every other aspect and how it has changed today. It is also a celebratory day for me because a year ago I met my first sales associate and thought of her as a sweet, talkative, conservative girl. And today I fired that same girl for stealing. It's funny how life works out like that. When they say it's the person you least expect, they're not kidding. But before I get to that, I wrote vows a year ago about becoming a manager and I would like to see how true I have stayed to them:

1. I vow to spell check every e-mail before I send it to my district manager. My spelling is immaculate, however the bitchiness level on my emails has definitely skyrocketed.
2. I vow to not have a nervous breakdown and breathe into a paper bag while at work. I've stayed true to this one, but I've been pretty close to vomiting.
3. I vow to not yell at customers. Well, most of the time.
4. I vow to say "thank you" and "good job" when my employees deserve it. Except when they steal.
5. I vow to walk around the sales floor like a human being, not a gorilla. Haha, I miss the gorilla.
6. I vow to not be an obsessive compulsive neat freak. I'm the farthest thing from this, that's why my assistant managers need to balance me out and be OCD.
7. I vow to talk to my employees on a daily basis. I would hate my job if I didn't.
8. I vow to be on time to work everyday. Painfully true. I'm never late. Ever.
9. I vow to not complain about being "tired" every damn day. The word "tired" has officially scarred me for life and I have removed it from my vocabulary.
10. I vow to never become a lazy slob, genuine retard, raving bitch, or loveable lunatic. I'm sure my employees have their own name for me, but I would be happy with Loveable Bitch.

Oh the memories.

Onto the stealing bitch, I'm not going to get into specifics but basically I knew she was stealing for the past 3 months. I notified my LP director and DM, started doing research and everyone ignored me. I left approximately 10-15 v-mails to LP telling them that I knew she was stealing and needed someone to take action. Nothing. And this folks, is why the company sucks at life and will eventually fail horribly. After the LP director scheduled numerous times to come "investigate" and never showed up, I took the liberty upon myself to write him a 3 page email from my personal email account ranting about how nothing has been done, she's stealing right in front of me, the company is promoting stealing, and stated all of my evidence. It's funny how fast people will react when you send them angry, ranting emails. I guess I overstepped my boundaries a bit, but the LP director showed up today, got her to confess, and fired her. Hmmm, guess I was right this whole time. Maybe next time I'll just go directly to the CEO...that should get me some quick results.


I love my job.

Black Friday priorities

As Black Friday is drawing near, my DM the Email Queen, is really getting her priorities straight. I remember exactly a year ago, my old DM was running around to all the stores in the district making sure all products were out and all signage was up for the sales. He was in my store until 10PM the night before Thanksgiving, helping us to add the final touches to ensure a profitable holiday weekend.

My new DM, however, finds it is more important to make up her own policies two days before Black Friday and bother the store managers with it. What's her new policy? Well, we are no longer allowed to ask who is calling before transfering a phone call. To most people it is considered common courtesy to ask who is calling, however to her it means that we are 'screening' phone calls. So instead of supervising the sales floor this morning, I had to sit on the phone with her to discuss this new policy and train the employees on how to properly answer the phone.

The best part is that I still know when she's on the phone by my employees' confused faces when they tell me, "some lady wants to talk to you and she sounds pissed." Oh hello, DM.


I love my job.