My new employee

I have a new employee named Mary Sue and she asks, perhaps, the most ludicrous questions that I have ever heard. Here are some of my favorites:

While reading these you have to imagine Mary Sue's voice as a whispered high pitched whine.

Mary Sue: Where was I supposed to park?
Me: We're technically supposed to park near Sears.
Mary Sue: Am I going to get in trouble if I didn't park there?
Me: No.
Mary Sue: What if security calls the cops on me?


*When asked to shut the gate at closing time*
Mary Sue: How do I do that?
Me: (After showing her) You have to make sure you lock it while we're still in here.
Mary Sue: (With a look of complete terror on her face) If it's locked, how do we get out?


*When training her to sell one-on-one*
Me: You're going to have to raise the volume of your voice or customers will never hear you.
Mary Sue: Really?
Me: I can barely hear you and I'm standing right next to you.
Mary Sue: Well, what if I have a sore throat?
Me: Well, do you have a sore throat?
Mary Sue: No. But what would happen if I did?


I love my job.