The Store Managers

My store has had three different store managers in the past six months. I'd like to introduce them to you...

1.) Samantha- The Loveable Lunatic
Samantha was more than just a little bit crazy. Her moods were extreme. And when I say extreme I mean that she could go from being your best friend to a blood-sucking monster in two seconds flat. She thought it was perfectly normal to stay all night at work doing manual labor and couldn't understand why other employees refused to stay past midnight. Her cell phone was always dead, she had fungus on her stomach, never wore a bra, and was always late by at least an hour. She was also known to do breathing exercises in the back room when things got too stressful for her. She was the best manager we ever had.

2) Jamie- The Raving Bitch
Jamie was our second manager and the biggest bitch on the planet. She wasn't running a clothing store, she was running a Nazi concentration camp. She had the unique ability to be able to find something wrong with every single employee. She hated our merchandise and complained to anyone who would listen about how "fat" she looked. Jamie yelled no matter how close you were to her. I guess no one ever taught her the difference between "inside" and "outside" voices.

3) Lindsey- The Genuine Retard
Lindsey is our new manager who I'm 99% sure is a retard. She's great at having anxiety attacks for no particular reason, rearranging the back room, and not listening to a word anyone says. However, she still has problems spelling her own name, counting money, and reading directions. I haven't quite been able to pinpoint the exact problem with Lindsey, but my guess is that she could be a compulsive liar, psychotic, or just a moron.

I'm going to hell for this.